Judging by Your Haunches

Tune: Irving Berlin's "Easter Parade"

Judging by your haunches
(Just south of where your paunch is),
I'd say your butt's the biggest in the Keister Parade.

You've spent all your paychecks
On Dolby and THX;
Now you've the broadest backside in the Keister Parade.

On the davenport,
You're havin' port;
As you channel-surf, you fatten,
Until we're in awe
Of your avoirdupois—

Not one in all of NATO
Is such a couch potato,
Or sports a badder basement in the Keister Parade.