Roamin' Willy Loman

Tunes: Harry Lauder's "Roamin' in the Gloamin'"; Harry Lauder's and Gerald Grafton's "A Wee Deoch-an-Dorris"; Harry Lauder's "I Love a Lassie"; and "Loch Lomond"

Roamin' Willy Loman
Has come home at last to die.
Loman's the cognomen
Of a most successful guy;
When your sons are Hap and Biff,
You're a very lucky stiff.
Χαίρετε νικώμεν, Willy Loman!

* * * *

Shouldn't we talk to Doris
Of her weekend faux pas?
Then if she should ignore us,
We'll bring in Pa and Ma.
There's a bun in the oven,
But she won't say whose bun.
—Can you say:
"Rubber baby buggy bumpers"?
That's right. Well done!

* * * *

I love a brassie,
A niblick and a mashie,
And I'm keener than mustard on the links.
Yes, I'm keener than mustard,
But one thing has me flustered:
Frankly, my golf game stinks.

* * * *

The wee bonnie banks now are food for the worms,
While the big, braw banks grow the stronger.
The Anchor and Dime are forgotten banking terms;
Even Manny Hanny Banks are no longer.

We're paid at the low rates and charged at the high rates;
The pirates are rich, and no wonder.
But me and my banker have not been introduced,
Since the bonnie little banks have gone under.