It's Red Bull™

Tune: Nat Simon's "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)"

It's Red Bull™
I can't stand to tipple;
Take a glass (half full)—
It's no match for Ripple™.
I'd prefer to pull
My grandmother's nipple,
Than to sample a drop
Of that no-good slop.

Folks averse
To tum-turning crap 'll
Holler out a curse
And uncap the Snapple™,
'Cause there's nothing worse,
Since Eve ate the apple,
Than to grapple with straight Red Bull™.

(There were livestock, once,
That had a UTI.
Every cup of piss they'd pass
Ended up in some idiot's glass.)

Drink these things—
Your cares 'll quintuple,
And you won't need wings,
No matter how supple;
When the Red Bull™ stings,
You'll soon have a couple:
Up to then, you're feelin' kinda sharp—
But now, you're strummin' on a harp.