I've Got the Russian Flu

Tune: George Gershwin's "I've Got a Crush on You"

I've got the Russian flu;
Fever's high;
Feelin' awful achy;
Like to die.
My nose and throat
Are substandard;
My small intestine
Is gerrymandered.
I've got dibs
On the loo!
(Pass the Kaopectate™,
P.D.Q.)
My gut has turned to pure mush,
Just because a Russian gave me the flu.