Didn't Mom Explain to You

Tune: Harry Warren's "You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby"

Didn't Mom explain to you
A girl can be a 32,
And still be just as pretty as can be?
Didn't Father ever stress
The high degree of riskiness
Attendant on cosmetic surgery?
If they didn't, surely now you see—

You must have had an amateur boob-job
By someone who's a whiz at collage.
Your bosom's badly bolstered
And poorly re-upholstered;
I deprecate your décolletage.
You're listing just a little to larboard,
And "Touche" is not as big as "Deloitte."
So I think that you'll agree
That your surgeon's got to be
A mammillary maladroit;
Yep, I've never seen a funkier boob-job—
A rack mail-ordered from Voit.