Bombed and Blitzed and Pissed and Polluted

Tune: Richard Rodgers's "Surrey with the Fringe on Top"

Bombed and blitzed and pissed and polluted:
That's a fact that can't be refuted,
When you take your drink undiluted
And you fail to stop.

When you're crocked, you write with a scribble;
When you're zonked, you speak with a dribble;
When you're fried, you cry, Ish kabibble!
If they call a cop.

You try to walk, and you perceptibly weave;
Your speech turns overly cautious.
The furniture shimmies and the floorboards heave,
Until you become sorta nauseous.

I'm not knocking folks when they tipple;
I drink hooch from vodka to Ripple.
It's no sin to knock back a triple,
While the boys talk shop;
But you prolly better worry, if you binge till you drop.