Callipygia, Here I Come

Tune: Al Jolson's, Buddy DeSylva's and Joseph Meyer's "California, Here I Come"

Too much beer and too much sitting,
And my backside's getting pretty wide;
Every pair of pants is splitting—
Which is none too healthy for my pride.
Callipygia, nothing less—that's the Key to Happiness!
Just last week, I had a fitting,
And my tailor simply up 'n' died;
So—

Callipygia, here I come:
Liposuction for my bum.
My figger
Gets bigger,
Try as I might;
Last Easter,
My keister
Lost a fight
With cellulite.
So now my buns are "Super Size,"
Poised above two thunder-thighs.
Plastic surgeons put me wise:
Callipygia, here I come!

Callipygia, here I come!
(Then I might start getting some.)
My hiney
Was tiny
(Not that you'd know);
A hypo,
Some lipo—
Back I go
To status quo.
So feed me fries with mayonnaise;
I don't need no diet craze!
Lipo means that, nowadays,
Callipygia, here I come!