First of All, They Don't Do Candlelight

Tune: Chris Smith's "Ballin' the Jack"

First of all, they don't do candlelight,
So the atmosphere is wrong, and the feeling isn't right.
Service may be quick; so's potato blight—
'Cause the take-away 'll take away your appetite.

Stretch a point, and say their "masterpiece"
Is to do a burger, cooked in stale ol' grease;
And, to top that off, they don't have lox.
So that's why I hate Jack in the Box.™