You Think You're a Hipster

Tune: Irving Berlin's "You Can't Get a Man with a Gun"

You think you're a hipster,
But when you meet a tipster,
You're as gormless as Henry Crun.
Though your wheels may be sporty,
Your IQ's only 40;
Oh, you can't get your man, Peter Gunn.

Ya poor ignoramus!
You think you're quite the shamus,
'Cause your name is a fourth-rate pun.
As a private detective,
You're mentally defective;
Oh, you can't get your man, Peter Gunn.

Peter Gu-unn!
Ten to o-one,
You're a shnook, when it's all said and done.

So sucks to Mancini—
You're nothing but a wienie
That's escaped from its hot-dog bun;
'Cause you don't have the chutzpah,
When Sonny ups and shoots Pa,
To detect who's at fault
For assault;
Oy, Gewalt!
You can not get your man, Peter Gunn.