Back in 1605

Tune: Richard Rodgers's "I'm in Love With a Wonderful Guy"

Back in 1605,
There were men
Who would strive
With a pen
Or a sword in a war over God.

Now, if we were like them,
Such a fuss
Would condemn
All of us
To a Home for the Hopelessly Odd.

Catholics and Protestants all get along today;
Hindus
Enthuse
About Muslims and Jews;
Taoists and Buddhists are willing to meet halfway;
Life is One Grand and Glorious Shmooze.

But there's one place where it's not:
Where folks still remember—The Plot.

Let's "remember the Fifth of November";
I'm fed up with the Fourth of July—
Stack one more chair
On the pile in the square
And ignite the combustible Guy.

Fawkes, though dotty from Catholic dogma,
Always made sure that his powder was dry.
Who, then, can blame
Us, if we do the same
And ignite the combustible Guy?

(As a traitor to King,
You are sentenced to swing
On a string, Brother Fawkes;
Better run for it, son—
Though dissent may be fun,
Only gunpowder talks!)

If the future of Britain is dodgy,
Maybe its Church is a leedle too High.
Scuttle that scheme
For a Romish regime!
Find a tight
Puseyite,
Set the blight-
Er alight,
And ignite the combustible Guy!