Keep Your Pants On, Gifford

Tune: Hank B. Fort, Jr.'s "Put Your Shoes On, Lucy"

Keep your pants on, Gifford–
Don't you know about surveillance?
Keep your pants on, Gifford;
You must be on inhalants,
To advertise your keister on videotape,
When it isn't in the very best of shape.

Keep your pants on, Gifford,
Though you've caught yourself a blonde;
To a see-through nightie
You had better not respond:
When a lady's knickers flash upon your sight,
Give her that "Sorry, ma'am, but not tonight."

Gifford,
Have you lost your marbles?
Gifford,
Did she kiss your yarbles?
Why you did it is a mystery:
Are you just not getting it from Kathie Lee?

Keep your pants on, Gifford,
When you talk to flight attendants.
Hold your horses!
Divorces
Can be nasty for defendants:
Alimony payments are certain to hurt.
Keep your pants on, Gifford–you could lose your shirt.