My Friends and Neighbors Say That I'm Thick

Tune: Vernon Duke's "I Can't Get Started With You"

My friends and neighbors say that I'm thick;
I'm just about as dumb as a brick;
I voted twice for Carter—
But still I'm smarter than you.

I bought a block of Enron at par;
I think the Yugo's quite a good car;
And, though I hunt with Cheney,
I'm still more brainy than you.

Your IQ's low—
I've made a graph of it.
Slow?
You're Chief of Staff of it.
No,
That ain't the half of it—
You just don't have a clue.

I looked at Love and gave it a try;
I thought Romance was easy as pie,
I put my faith in Cupid—
Yet I'm not as stupid as you.