Who Must File?

Tune: Lionel Bart's "Who Will Buy?"

Who must file? It isn't Bugs Bunny,
Gomer Pyle, or Mr. Magoo.
Shout "Siegheil!" and cough up the money,
So Uncle Sam can spy on you.

That's how we wage the War on Terror,
And that's how we will win—
So make it payable to "bearer"
And mail that paycheck in!

Up the Nile and down the Euphrates,
Muslim guile is cramping our style.
Let's revile the 1780's!
The Constitution's through—it simply wouldn't do.
The only law is—who must file?

Who must file? It isn't Bugs Bunny,
Gomer Pyle, or Mr. Magoo.
Shout "Siegheil!" and cough up the money,
So Uncle Sam can spy on you.

We've got to break that Evil Axis
By planting bugs at home,
So blame Verizon for your taxes
(They soak us, when we roam).

Does it rile—the snooping and prying?
Try to smile—you'll miss by a mile.
All the while, your freedom is dying.
It's tragic, but it's true: the Feds are out to screw
The poor schlimazels who must file.