If I Seem to Be Irate

Tune: Irving Berlin's "Steppin' Out With My Baby"

If I seem to be irate,
It's because we gravitate
Towards never-ending war,
À la 1984.

We thought 9/11
Could not happen here—
So on 9/11,
We caved in to fear.
We're

Stampin' out all the Arabs—
Plottin' stings, and launchin' probes;
Plantin' bugs (call 'em "scarabs"):
From now on, we're xenophobes.

Stampin' out foreign leaders—
Velvet glove and iron hand.
(Try to blame Newsweek readers,
When things don't go quite as planned.)

We make dam' certain the deck's properly stacked,
With a broad Soviet*—oops! Patriot—Act.

Stampin' out all dissension—
Novel thoughts are in our sights.
By the way—did I mention?
We don't need no Bill o' Rights—
We don't need no stinkin' Bill o' Rights!

*The Undermining and Subduing America by Supplying Oppressive and Vicious Instruments for Establishing Tyranny Act of 2001.