Some Johnnies Jones a Lot for Lord of the Rings

Tune: James V. Monaco's "Then He Would Row, Row, Row"

Some johnnies jones a lot for Lord of the Rings,
While others trip, each time the Fat Lady sings;
Some get hooked on Doctor Who—
It's an addiction worse than glue.
So, likewise, neither do ragtimers forgo
A steady ragtime flow;
And when November comes to pass,
We jump at the chance to cook with gas.

We're gonna rag, rag, rag
In Sacramento,
Where they rag, rag, rag
Andante, lento
Or allegro, as they please,
Alabama Breeze
Or Jelly Roll's piano rolls
Or Kitten on the Keys;

We'll even risk jet-lag
For variations on a theme like Grand Old Flag.
We'll be raisin' a stink,
Till they give us that syncopatin' rag, rag, rag!

We're gonna rag, rag, rag
In Sacramento,
Where they rag, rag, rag
Andante, lento
Or allegro, as they please,
Alabama Breeze
Or Jelly Roll's piano rolls
Or Kitten on the Keys;

So come in pairs or stag—
You might be blown away by Joplin's Real Slow Drag.
(Folks, I'll swallow my fez,
If I don't love that hesitatin' Real Slow Drag.)

We're gonna rag, rag, rag
In Sacramento,
Where they rag, rag, rag
Andante, lento
Or allegro, as they please,
Alabama Breeze
Or Jelly Roll's piano rolls
Or Kitten on the Keys.

Your spirits just can't sag,
While you've a Lucifer to light that well-known fag.
Home was never like this,
When you're keenly anticipatin' rag, rag, rag;
'Cause we all get our kicks
From a fix of asphyxiatin' rag, rag, rag!