Up to Our Keisters in Yuletide Debt

Tunes: Benjamin Russell Hanby's "Up on the Housetop," James Pierpont's "Jingle Bells," and "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"

Up to our keisters in Yuletide debt;
We may well go bankrupt, yet.
Down to the dregs of our bank accounts;
Oy, do we owe large amounts!
Dough, dough, dough—
That's what we owe.
Dough, dough, dough—
That's what we owe.
Debt is the curse of good Saint Nick.
Gee, doesn't Christmastime make you sick?

* * * *

Dashing through the store
In a final shopping spree,
Buying, by the score,
Everything we see.
Finally, the guard
Forces us to leave.
Oh, what fun, to hunt so hard
For a gift on Christmas Eve! But—
Jingle bells? Jingle bells?
Not from this cashier:
Now the store's computerized,
And a beep is all we hear. Oh!
Beep, beep, beep! Beep, beep, beep!
Everybody cheer:
"Thank the Lord that Christmas Eve
Happens only once a year."

* * * *

We wish we were creditworthy,
We wish we were creditworthy,
We wish we were creditworthy—
But we pay bills too quick.
So let's Christmas-shop
And put it on tick,
By charging to Amex
Till our statement's this thick!
And then we'll be creditworthy,
And then we'll be creditworthy,
And then we'll be creditworthy—
It's a pretty neat trick.