Pardon Me, Boy

Tune: Harry Warren's "Chattanooga Choo-Choo"

Pardon me, boy—
Is that the piccalilli chow-chow?
Toss it across,
And then the Worcestershire sauce.

Chili and chive en-
Liven
Piccalilli chow-chow,
Under a glaze
Of dietetic Bernaise.

You take a tablespoon of tarragon,
A teaspoon of soy
(Not enough to sicken, but
Sufficient to cloy);
Further to embellish,
Add some onion relish:
Any way you slice it, boy,
It's downright hellish.

Sprinkle on
Some cinnamon
And give it a stir;
Angostura bitters
And banana liqueur;
Soak it all in sherry;
Top it with a cherry:
Mm, mm! Piccalilli cordon bleu.

Oh! there's gonna be
A case of gastroenteritis,
After you eat
This indigestible treat.
Whaddaya know?
(Unless, of course, the human eye deceives.)
That piccalilli chow-chow
Gave my chow-chow the heaves!