When You Dish a Megastar

Tune: Leigh Harline's "When You Wish Upon A Star"

When you dish a megastar,
No report is too bizarre:
Drug abuse, bulimia or touched-up hair.

Open any two-bit rag;
See Jean-Claude Van Damme in drag.
(What he does in private isn't our affair.)

Fourth Estate!
You've gone too bloody far,
When you besmirch a star
By leaking scandal.

Ashley Olsen—Britney Spears
Frankly bore us all to tears.
Yeah, we've got a "right to know"—
We just
Don't
Care.