I'll Own a Custom-Fitted Brace

Tune: Frederick Loewe's "I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face"

I'll own a custom-fitted brace
To keep my vertebrae aligned;
I'll own a custom Zimmer frame
Emblazoned with my name;
My blood I'll test
At labs like Quest;
And colonoscopies galore,
All 3-D mapping my behind!
I'm so excited that Obama chooses how my money's spent—
If it all goes belly-up, we'll blame The 1%.
For now, my custom is to take
My custom where they sell
A custom-fitted brace.