Have Yourself a Mercenary Christmas

Tune: Hugh Martin's and Ralph Blane's "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"

Have yourself a mercenary Christmas;
Cultivate your greed.
Make a list of everything you think you "need."

Have yourself a mercenary Christmas;
Covet each new toy.
Sidle up to Santa Claus, and don't be coy:

Seize his coattails, and beg a gift!
Beg a mega-gift!
Beg four!

Come right out, and demand alot!
Kiss his hand alot—
Kiss more.

If you say, "The thought is all that counts," you're
Holier-than-thou;
Hang the thought! It's avarice that guides us now—
Remind yourself that Christmas is a
Real cash cow.