The Bells Are Ringing

Tune: Irving Berlin's "White Christmas"

The bells are ringing;
The lights are lit;
The shopkeepers block the square;
The carolers rend the air:
It's more than a soul can bear!
We've got to keep Christmastide at bay;
And yes, Virginia, there is a way—

Let's organize a red Christmas,
A Tarantino sort of Yule:
When you cleave Bob Cratchit,
Eschew the hatchet;
Instead—use a power tool.

Let's organize a red Christmas—
Go out and vivisect an elf.
Take the gas can down from the shelf,
And set fire to Santa Claus himself.