Have Yourself a Mercenary Christmas

Tune: Hugh Martin's and Ralph Blane's "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"

Have yourself a mercenary Christmas;
Cultivate your greed.
Make a list of everything you think you "need."

Have yourself a mercenary Christmas;
Covet each new toy.
Sidle up to Santa Claus, and don't be coy:

Seize his coattails, and beg a gift!
Beg a mega-gift!
Beg four!

Come right out, and demand alot!
Kiss his hand alot—
Kiss more.

If you say, "The thought is all that counts," you're
Hang the thought! It's avarice that guides us now—
Remind yourself that Christmas is a
Real cash cow.